A Weekend in Provence IV

A Mother's Grief

Tragedy is never easy to confront, but usually we don't have a choice.  The reason for our weekend trip was to visit with and comfort this family who just suffered the loss of their adult son last month.

I thought I would show you a personal experience of visiting a French cemetery, as I followed the grieving mother around while she watered the remaining funeral plants.

Cemeteries can be fascinating to walk around, especially if you don't know anybody actually residing there.  Old country church cemeteries provide lots of speculation of what might have happened to various family members, especially when children are involved.  Our first visit to a French one several weeks after moving here turned out to be where the artist Van Gogh is buried (we did not know that in advance).  Doc Leo was fascinated touring an Italian one near Genova where at least half of the graves were for a Carbone, and then usually either a Maria (Mary) or Giuseppe (Joseph)! 

A typical French cemetery

French cemeteries look totally different from American ones.  Ours are mostly flat, while theirs are mostly large vaults above the ground.

Many of ours have restrictions on placing and leaving flowers, while they decorate theirs several times a year.  Often, they will put potted plants, then bring those home when they replace them with different ones the next time.

A typical French cemetery vault

They also decorate the tomb with ceramic flowers and plaques, often with photos of the deceased. 

While I didn't spend time roaming around this particular cemetery, I did come across this excellent example.

You can see potted plants, ceramic flowers, nameplates for the various occupants, and multiple plaques to The Beloved, The Friend Well Loved, My Dear Brother, The Greatest Husband, or whatever else is applicable.

A beautiful resting place

A row of family remembrances

Here is the family tomb of our hosts, sadly currently covered with many fresh flowers, signifying a recent addition. 

While I have known people who passed away during our 25 years over here, I don't think I've ever visited the grave of somebody I knew.  At least he is reposing in a beautiful setting.

So glad I knew you, Friend

Vincent was a month short of his 42nd birthday, which passed just days before we visited.  Several weeks earlier, he was really tired and had a persistent cough, his mouth was covered in fever blisters, and he had a fever that kept spiking.  But he wouldn't go to the doctor, unusual for a French person. 

A lovely bouquet

At the end, he was rushed to the emergency room, where he died several hours later while his mother sat in the waiting room. 

Although the family refused an autopsy so it's not clear exactly what happened or why, it seems that he had a pulmonary embolism which apparently provoked a heart attack, the cause of death.

He was right in between my two girls in age.  I hope I never have to deal with this kind of situation myself.  Of course, the family is still in shock, but I hope we were able to be of some comfort during our visit.

One of many trips

Attempting to continue a form of life

The purpose of the trip was to water the plants, a ritual she does several times a week.

I think this is a form of therapy that gives her a little sense of purpose, so I left her alone.

Where did he go?

One of the saddest moments for me was observing Filou.  He had already been abandoned by his former mistress when she left Vincent several years ago, which created a bond of rejection between the two, and now he doesn't understand where his adoptive master is.

As I've never seen anybody walk him, I assume she deliberately brings him along on her visits. 

He's taking a rest in the shade of one of the really plain vaults.

Sorrow and reflection

I found this scene really poignant.  I didn't notice how long the walk took, but it wasn't unreasonable.  It's probably one she's never had a routine of taking before.

I don't know if the father ever goes with her or if this is just something she does for herself.  Both of our guys took a nap during this time.

I wondered what kind of thoughts were going through her mind as she walked, with Filou trotting along beside her.  At least it was a beautiful day in a beautiful setting, which hopefully helped her peace of mind.  I was pleased to be able to share these moments with her on this visit.

A lavender stump

Several years ago, a huge tree in their front yard died (hit by lightning?), and they've had this stump ever since.  When we arrived this weekend, I noticed the lavender in it.  Turns out it's a cemetery plant.  They've brought a lot of the plants home because somebody thinks it's fun to steal funeral bouquets and vases. 

Wherever the lavender came from, I think this is a beautiful way to display it.

While this was a sad subject, I hope you've enjoyed another facet of life over here, one I find totally different from the typical American experience.  I just wish it hadn't been quite so personal, although my sadness can't begin to compare with hers.

The evening events were on a much happier note, so be sure to check it out next.